NOTE: This article is part of our series called ‘Honest Questions’, which seeks to aid those on a spiritual journey to work through some of the biggest questions and obstacles to faith. You can read our introduction to the series here.


“The world has changed. Everyone’s realised sex is great, and that we shouldn’t impose rules about it. It’s my body, after all. Christians are restrictive killjoys – why don’t they seem to like sex? It seems like they’d rather say “no” to everything.”


God invented sex as part of life in this world; and as he looked at it and everything else he’d made, he said it was “very good” (Genesis 1:31). God made sex to be great. That’s why there’s a whole book of the Bible which celebrates love and sex (It’s called “Song of Songs”).


Because God is the creator of sex, he knows how he made it to be used. The best way to use a computer is to read the maker’s manual or online guide and follow what it says, instead of tinkering with it and thinking we know best. And the best way to use sex is to read what God says about it, and follow it.

God says he invented sex to be enjoyed in a loving, lifelong marriage between a man and a woman: “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24) – “one flesh” is Bible-speak for sex. He made this most intimate expression of physical love to be enjoyed in the only totally, unconditionally, committed human relationship – marriage.

When we don’t follow his guidance, all sorts of things go wrong. Some we can see – STDs, prostitution, children growing up not knowing their father. Some we can’t – heartbreak, shattered confidence, self-harm.


God made sex to be the most powerful expression of love between two people, where a couple becomes “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), spiritually superglued together. If we see it as just a physical act that doesn’t mean much, we’re making less of sex than God intends it for. Christians like sex; so they don’t treat it as though it is nothing.


No sex lasts forever: and no sex produces a perfect relationship. But Jesus says that anyone who is a friend of his “will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die” (John 11:25-26). Knowing Jesus is better than, and offers more than, knowing any spouse or sexual partner. So while Christians like sex, they don’t treat it as though it is everything.


“I’ve known great pain in relationships. Why does God allow suffering?

“If life isn’t ultimately about sex, or relationships, or even marriage…What is the point of life?


Thanks to the internet, we have an incredible number of resources at our fingertips. In an abundance of information, however, the challenge is often finding the right thing to study. With this in mind, we’ve curated this list of articles and videos for you as you continue your investigation into the topic explored in this article.


  • Timothy Berry

    Tim and Renske met and were married in Toulouse, France. They have three wonderful children: Matthijs, Anouk, and Jaana. Before planting City Church Wolverhampton, they served at Mendham Hills Community Church in Chester, NJ as the Pastor of Worship Arts. Tim is ordained by the Christian & Missionary Alliance (C&MA).